Wounded
by jessica.k.peck.9
Summary: Merlin was fighting in Afghanistan when a IED exploded. Blind, broken and alone, Merlin walks the streets as a homeless Nobody. Will he ever learn to trust again? No slash. Angry!Merlin. Doctor!Arthur. Strong language. Modern AU.
1. Beaten

Heat beat down on them from the unforgiving sun. The hard packed earth underneath them was dry and brittle. Their boots thudded on the ground with a repetitive jolt of their bodies. Their eyes shifted about them all the time. Watching, scanning the landscape for any danger. Rifles held in front of them with one finger covering the trigger. Helmets felt heavy on their heads, sweat beading underneath them and trickling down. They all had packs, heavy lead weights on their backs. All their gear was the same dusty camouflage.

One man rose a hand and wiped his forehead with the back of it. He squinted through the glare of the sun to see the back of the solder in front of him. He huffed in the heat and placed his hand back on his rifle. His eyes never stopped moving. Any movement of the landscape was treated as suspicious. They couldn't take chances.

They walked in single file. A large gap between each of them. Every man walking in each others footsteps. The person in the front held a metal detector. The dusty barren landscape glared at them as they marched past.

A shout went up near the front and everyone stopped. They were allowed a break.

"Merlin!"

The man turned to the voice and called back, "Yeah? Did you forget your water again?"

A laugh rang out and Merlin grinned. "Aye, I did, Mate," A soldier grinned back.

"Gwaine," Merlin groaned, sliding his pack off his back and pulling out a water bottle, "When are you going to learn?" He chucked it towards him and Gwaine caught it easily.

"Never. Thanks, mate," Gwaine took a long drink out of the bottle as Merlin pulled out another from his pack. His eyes still scanning their surroundings.

Everything seemed peaceful for now. They were in Helmand Province. Not exactly one of the more peaceful places in Afghanistan. But it was steadily getting calmer now the Taliban were being pushed back.

There was another shout. Everyone packed up and got to their feet. Merlin calling to Gwaine to keep the water bottle. He laughed and called, "Thanks! You're a life-saver!" Merlin just rolled his eyes.

They walked for a bit longer. Everything was quiet. There was no breeze. The fields around them held nothing but dry cut stalks of dead crops.

Too quiet, he thought.

BOOM!

The ground shook. He was thrown back as a shockwave that sent up grit and dirt hit him. He screamed as the grit went into his eyes. He blinked to try and clear them but was only awarded with more pain. He rolled onto his side and rubbed a hand across his eyes.

Merlin yelled in pain. But he couldn't hear it. His ears were ringing from the explosion. Who had been hit? He had to get to them!

He tried to stand but staggered around helplessly.

He was blind!

* * *

"I'm sorry... won't be able to see again... no way to repair... discharge... hospital... we can't do anything else..."

Sorry.

What a stupid word.

* * *

He drew in the smoke. Letting the warm vapours fill his mouth, holding it then blowing it out. His hand slowly stopped shaking. He stared into his black nothing and dragged another draw from the fag. He twitched at every noise. He scratched his forehead and tensed his muscles as the sound of footsteps approached then passed him. His elbows on his knees, he ducked his head and breathed slowly.

The sound of cars passing and the occasional screech of a voice or laughter cut through his hearing like a knife. Wind buffeted him and roared in his ears, the first droplets of rain began to fall.

"Oi! Spaz!" There was a shout and a loud laugh coming from his right. A few other laughs joined the first and the crunch of gravel signified the approach of a number of people. Most probably a gang of youths.

Merlin swore silently and kept his head down. Hoping they weren't talking to him.

"Oi! I'm talking to you! Homeless piece of shite!"

"Shit," Merlin muttered, he dragged on the fag again before flicking it away. He raised his head just as the youth shouted again. They were right beside him now.

"I said, I'm talking to you!" The youth pushed him roughly, sending Merlin crashing to the ground.

He pointed his face up in the youth's general direction before saying defiantly, "Fuck off, you prick," He tried to stand again, but hands shoved him onto the ground again.

"Hey," A timid voice spoke up from the back of the pack, "He's blind, we should leave him,"

"Shut it, faggot!" The youth who had shoved him rounded on the timid one immediately. There was a chorus of agreement from the others.

Merlin tried to stand again, but he was shoved to the ground once more. He cursed as his hand twisted underneath him. A boot connected with his side and he grunted.

"Go on! Try and get up!" The youth kicked him again. Merlin had just gotten to his knees before he was sent to the ground again. There was a collection of jeers from the gang as the lead-youth laughed. "See? You can't, can ya? Piece of shit!"

This time Merlin was ready, he heard the crunch of the gravel as the youth stepped forward, the drawn in breath as he prepared to lash out with his boot again. Merlin leaped to his feet and snapped out his hand. He grinned as his hand connected with the youth's t-shirt and he tightened his grip.

"Who are you to call me a 'piece of shit'?" Merlin growled, leaning in closer, "The only shite pile here, is you,"

"Fuck off!" The youth spat in his face, "You're looking over my shoulder, you shit!"

The youth struggled against his grip and shouted at his followers to do something. Merlin just cocked his head, listening to the footsteps surrounding him. This was going to hurt.

Merlin gritted his teeth, then pulled the youth towards him sharply then shoved him away. He had a second to enjoy the grunt and curse as the youth hit the ground before he was attacked. The entire gang, even the timid one, grabbed him and sent him flying to the ground. They kicked and punched him as he wrapped himself into a ball and waited for it to end. He heard a snap as a rip cracked. Pain was everywhere. He heard whimpering, it took a while to realise it was him. He stopped himself immediately. Squeezing his damaged eyes shut and his mouth into a tight line.

"Stop! Leave him!"

Merlin frowned in confusion. The kicking paused.

"Get away from him!"

An angry voice was fast approaching them. The youth's muttered amongst themselves before the crunch of gravel signaled the youth's walking away from him.

"Yeah, that's right!" Merlin growled after them, "Keep walking, you bastards!"

"What was that?" The lead youth stopped. A boot wacked him in the head, sending Merlin sprawling.

"I said - Get away from him!" The footsteps had reached them. It was a man by his voice. The youth turned tail and scuttled away.

Merlin gasped as he got up, shaking where he stood.

"Are you alright?" The voice was filled with concern.

"Why do you care?" Merlin spat back, rubbing his face - wet metallic liquid was dripping into his face. Blood.

"Maybe I just want to help -"

"I don't need your help!"

"You know that is a lie," The ground crunched under the other man's boot's as he stepped towards him.

"I'm fucking _blind_, mate! Not a spaz in need of hospitalising!"

"Won't you calm down and talk to me?"

"What are you?! A fucking shrink? Leave me alone!"

There was a pause before, "I can't do that,"

"Why not?! Feel like you're _meant_ to help me? Feel like a fucking _hero_?" The other man was so calm it was irritating, "This isn't a cheap movie - this is real life and in real life we don't get twats like you _helping _blind guys like me!"

"I didn't mean it like that -"

"I don't give a shit about what you meant!"

"Just let me help -"

"NO!" Merlin turned to leave. But he was too hasty. He knocked into something and staggered back. "FUCK SAKE!" Rage was swelling in his being until he felt he was going to explode. Everything was pressing in on him and he hated it. A hand grabbed his elbow and kept him on his feet. Merlin hissed in anger and yanked his elbow out of the hand. "Get off me, you fucker!"

He fumbled about until he found his stick and clicked it open quickly. His spine tingled in discomfort and rage as he imagined how weak he must look. He tapped the ground in front of me, locating the path under his feet and stormed off. He had to get away from that twat.

"Wait!"

Merlin clenched his jaw as he heard the man call after him. He ignored the call and kept walking.

"Wait!" Loud, quick footsteps were following him. He was running.

_"Get away from me!"_ Merlin yelled, whirling around and raising his stick threateningly. Grimacing as his cracked rib protested.

"Whoa!" The footsteps stopped suddenly, "I was just giving you your pack back,"

Merlin snarled before spinning around again and walking away quickly - calling over his shoulder, "Keep it. Bin it. Who cares? I don't give a shit about that stuff anymore,"

"But -" The man tried to protest.

"No!" Merlin kept walking. The footsteps didn't follow.

* * *

**AN: So this is my first Modern AU. It has been inspired by Colin Morgan's amazing performance in Parked. I loved the raw emotion in the movie. If you do spot similarities, it'll be because of that but I'm trying really hard not to write a story exactly like it! :)**

**The thing I love about this is that I can do whatever I want with the characters. Merlin isn't going to be the usual happy-go-lucky self. As you've seen, he is a very angry man. And I'm also debating the involvement of magic, they will probably be none. Then the other characters will be different as well. Okay? Awesome! :D**

**Hope you join me for the rest of it! Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin!**


	2. Backpack

A blonde haired man stood awkwardly on a gravel path. Staring into the distance where the blind man had just disappeared out of the park gate. The blonde was holding a backpack. A rugged thing, threadbare and the colours fading. He glanced down at it and frowned, the man had said he didn't care about it. A strange thing to abandon what looked like his only processions.

The blonde turned slowly and headed in the opposite direction the blind man had gone. It as obvious that he wouldn't talk to him. He had a day off tomorrow, he'll look for him then. Hopefully the man had enough sense to go to a hospital. The way he had winced when he rose his cane suggested a cracked rib. If not they would be bruising. The kick to the head was worrying.

The blonde stopped and almost turned to run after the other man. But a call stopped him, "Arthur!"

He turned towards the voice and smiled. A dark-skinned woman with long curly locks smiled at him as she walked quickly over the grass. He smiled backed, "Gwen,"

"What happened?" Gwen frowned in concern, "I saw you speaking to that man,"

Arthur glanced behind him and answered her slowly, "He was being beaten by a group of youth's. I chased them off but he wasn't grateful. In fact he seemed angry - no... not angry. Embarrassed," He frowned as he remembered, "He didn't want to accept my help,"

"But you're a doctor," Gwen linked her arm with his, bringing him out of his thoughts somewhat.

"He didn't give me a chance to say that," Arthur smiled warily.

"He'll take himself to the hospital, I'm sure," Gwen smiled kindly, glancing behind them as well. "We'll ask A&E in the morning,"

"Okay," Arthur let Gwen lead him away. The backpack held tightly in his hand.

* * *

They arrived home just as the rain began to pelt down hard. Gwen groaned as they sat in the car and looked towards the front door solemnly.

"Time to get wet!" Arthur said in mock cheeriness.

"Yeah," Gwen rolled her eyes then laughed, "Let's go,"

They swung the door open and stepped out. Gwen yelping as the rain hit her and Arthur grunted. He shut his door and pressed the button on his car key to lock the doors. Gwen had already ran to hide under the door arch and Arthur was about the join her when he remembered the pack.

He turned quickly and unlocked the car. Reaching into the back to grab the pack from the backseat. He slammed the door and locked the car again. By the time he joined Gwen under the arch, he was soaking.

"Why did you bring that?" Gwen asked curiously.

Arthur just shrugged and unlocked the front door. Bowing slightly to let Gwen go first. She rolled her eyes at him as she went past.

"Ever the Prince, Arthur," She laughed.

"I believe it's _King_ Arthur, my dear," Arthur grinned. He shut the door gratefully behind him - cutting off the cold rain and wind.

They were standing in the hall, the stairs in front of them and the hall leading off to the Kitchen and Living room. Gwen flicked the lights on and peeled her jacket off. Glanceing in disapproval at his soaking jeans and t-shirt before trodding down to the kitchen, calling behind her, "Would you like a cup of tea, your highness?"

Arthur scoffed at her use of the title but nodded, "Yes, please," He followed her to their big modern kitchen and dumped the bag on one of the bar stools. "I'll just go get out of these wet clothes,"

Gwen nodded, glancing at the pack on the chair.

Arthur turned and made his way to the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. He had began to shiver as he turned into their bedroom and opened the wardrobe. He took out a pair of jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. Peeling off his wet clothes and dumping them in a basket before slipping on his clothes. He dug about in a draw before producing a pair of socks and pulling them on.

He stopped before exiting the room, taking in the neutral room furnishings. The king-sized bed, bedside tables and wardrobe were expensive. Everything paid for by his doctor's wage.

He thought about the blind homeless man he had met and frowned. That man had nothing, yet Arthur had everything. The job, the home, the comforts.

Why are some people richer than others?

He shook his head to clear the thoughts - managing only to push them to the back of his mind. He strode out of the bedroom door and down the stairs. When he made it to the kitchen, Gwen was holding out a mug. He took it gratefully, "Thanks,"

Gwen smiled as she started to root around the cupboards, taking out pots and pans and putting them on the cooker. "Could you start peeling the potatoes?"

"Of course," Arthur nodded and put the mug down to get the potatoes out of the fridge. He was frowning as he got them, his thoughts starting to return to the blind man. He turned to see Gwen watching him, concern written on her face. "What?"

"He'll be alright, Arthur," Gwen reassured him.

"Yeah," Arthur nodded, taking the knife out of a draw, "Yeah, I know,"

* * *

Arthur couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned under the sheets. Gwen's warm body beside him was peaceful, her soft breath deep and slow. He turned yet again to face her back, his hand going up to touch her before clenching and dropping onto the sheets.

She'll be up at six, it would be unfair to wake her. Arthur flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling, his thoughts returning to the blind man. He hoped that he had gone to a hospital. He was convinced now that that rib had been cracked. Then who knows what other damage was done.

Arthur groaned and rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes. Willing the hyperactive thoughts to calm. But it was not to be, he sighed as he rolled onto his side and swung his legs out of the bed - throwing the blankets off.

He made his way downstairs quietly, flicking on the light as he reached the bottom. Trodding lightly to the kitchen he switched the light on in there and the other in the hall off. He rubbed his face with one hand, his bare feet cold on the tiled floor.

He turned the tape and filled the kettle with water before plugging it in and turning it on. He watched the water begin to boil, the rubble of the water starting quietly then louder. His eyes traveled away from the kettle and rested on the backpack. He really hoped that man had found the hospital.

He took a mug out of the cupboard and dumped a teabag into it, adding one sugar before tapping his fingers on the worktop. The kettle finished boiling and he poured the water into the mug. The water instantly turning a dark brown. He scratched his neck as he tip-toed on the cold tiles to the fridge and took out the milk. His eyes resting on the bag again.

"What 'shit' was he talking about?" Arthur wondered aloud. He shook his head and turned away from the bag. He wouldn't look, that would be wrong. It wasn't his after all.

He unscrewed the milk and poured a little into his mug before replacing it in the fridge. Purposely not looking at the backpack. Finally, he scoped the teabag out with a teaspoon and stirred it. Holding the mug in his hands, letting the heat seep into his palms.

He turned so he was leaning on the worktop and once again looked at the backpack on the chair. He huffed and rolled his eyes. Putting the mug down on the table, he picked up the backpack and paused - hand hovering over the zip. He bit his lip then huffed.

"I bet there's nothing of importance in there anyway!" Arthur glared at the bag before giving in to curiosity. He quickly un-zipped the bag and opened it.

Inside there was a small bundle of clothing, a pack of cigarettes, a small toiletry bag and a box. The box was about the size of his hand, it was like a jewelry box - black with a lid that flipped open.

Arthur held it in his hand tentatively. A sudden dawning realisation of what he held falling on him. His hand shaking, he gripped the box lid and slowly creaked it open.

In the box was a Military Cross.*

* * *

**AN: So there's the next chapter! Completely Arthur concentrated but next chapter we'll follow Merlin, I think... *nods* Yep! Hope you liked it! Please review! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin!**

***For those that don't know:**

"The **Military Cross** (**MC**) is the third-level military decoration awarded to officers and (since 1993) other ranks of the British Armed Forces; and formerly also to officers of other Commonwealth countries.

The MC is granted in recognition of "an act or acts of exemplary gallantry during active operations against the enemy on land to all members, of any rank in Our Armed Forces…"."

**Quoted from Wikipedia! :) So, basically, it's a reward - or Medal - given to any rank of the forces if they have done something very brave or inspirational in the field. **


	3. Dream

The rain pelted his shoulders but he didn't flinch. He was soaked through, his clothes sticking to his body like glue. He held his stick in one hand, the skin of his knuckles tight against the bone as he clutched it in his right hand. The fingers on his left opening and closing constantly. Rain trickled through the hair plastered on his head and down into his sightless eyes. He blinked it away pointlessly and snarled.

All around him, he could hear cars honking and rumbling as they made their hasty way home. Once, an ambulance screeched past, siren howling as it pulled into the ambulance bay not far in front of him.

There had been a scruffle of activity, people talking loudly and one person giving out instructions. The thunder-like noise of an ambulance bed being pushed over tarmac then a swish of electronic doors as they opened then shut, instantly cutting off the noise created by the people with the bed.

He stood frozen in front of the hospital. A sudden fear gripping at him and locking his joints. His breath came in increasingly shallow gasps as he stood there. He kept swallowing - trying to dislodge the lump in his throat.

He could feel a pressure starting to build around his useless eyes. A headache forming around his temples. He clenched his jaw and felt his brow dent with a frown.

"Sir?"

"What?!" Merlin snapped his head towards the kindly voice to his right. Rage welling up from the pit of his stomach.

"Would you like to come in out of the rain?" the voice continued, un-phased.

That made him pause. It was a woman's voice, soft when she first spoke but then with a little bite to it. Like seeds on strawberries.

"No," Merlin answered her without shouting. "I'm never going back into one of those shite holes,"

His hand unclenched around his stick with difficulty. The muscles protesting as he moved them. Turning stiffly away from the woman's voice, Merlin tapped his stick and walked away from the hospital.

* * *

The park bench was uncomfortable but it would have to do. The rain had almost stopped by the time he found the park again and by the way the noise of the rain changed and the sudden ceasing of the rains force - he was under a tree.

He was starting to regret letting that man have his pack. Some dry-ish clothes would be nice. Maybe, he'll find his way back in the morning. Maybe the pack will still be there.

For now, though, he lay down on the bench and wrapped his coat tighter around his thin frame.

He hadn't managed to find any food today. Another thing added to the list.

He shifted his weight about until the wood slates of the bench weren't digging into him and pulled his knees up. Using one arm as a pillow and clutching his stick in the other - he finally closed his eyes and sighed.

Behind closed eyelids he could see again. Memories and imaginings racing through his mind like swallows. Taking wing and zipping off to some other place.

Some other dream.

* * *

"Mister! You're gonna have to wake up now! The smug's are coming!"

Merlin jolted awake, his images disappearing as his eyes opened to a black darker than death.

The suns warmth was weak on his chilled, wet skin. The air smelt like morning. A mix of petrol, dew and garbage.

"Mister! Come on!"

"Alright," Merlin shushed the frantic voice, "I'm coming, Lancy,"

Lance was an eight year old street kid. A run-away. Got out of an abusive home and into the gutters. Poor kid was too terrified of any home to try fostering. For some reason - he had clung to Merlin as if he were a life line.

"Would you like me to help you sit up?" Lance asked matter-of-factly.

"Yes, please," Merlin nodded. The boys hands gripped his and pulled him up. Propping himself behind Merlin and helping him turn around into a sitting position. Merlin grunted as his limbs unlocked gradually.

"Rain didn't help much, did it?" Lance asked, not a hint of concern or sympathy in his voice. He knew Merlin was alright and to leave him to sort himself out. He loved the boy for it, his only friend.

"No," Merlin shook his head. He sneezed loudly and dragged in a rattling breath. "Fuck it,"

"Where were you, Mister?" Lance asked, "I thought we were going to meet at the bench?"

Merlin sneezed again, he hissed as his rib sparked painfully. "I was there but those smug's me didn't they?"

"Oh.. Did you hurt them?"

"No, they hurt me," Merlin smiled. "I'll get them next time,"

"Perhaps not today," Lance trailed off, obviously seeing something Merlin couldn't.

"What is it, Lancy?" Merlin asked.

"Smugs... But they're outside the park. Can we go get food now?"

"Yes, of -" he sneezed again - this time, yelping in pain.

"Mister?" for the first time, a hint of concern touched the boys voice.

"Just a hurt rib, Lancy. Don't worry," Merlin's breath rattled in his chest. His head felt heavy, a dull ache forming at his temples. "Lets go get some food,"

* * *

"Dr Pendragon,"

Arthur snapped out of his daydream as the nurse nudged him slightly. "Sorry, Freya. What were you saying?"

The nurse rolled her eyes at the daydreaming doctor and cocked her bead towards a hospital room behind and to the left of them. "Mrs Hudson is ready to see you,"

"Ah, right," Arthur blinked and looked about for the file he swear he just had in his hand.

"Dr," Freya frowned at him, "Are you alright?"

Arthur started to say he was alright before shaking his head, "Two days ago, I helped a homeless man when he was being attacked by a gang of youths. He looked really beaten up, he needed to go to hospital. But he wouldn't accept my help. I'm worried he didn't get to a A&E department,"

Freya frowned, "He could have went to any hospital or any doctors surgery. You wouldn't know if he hasn't gone to one,"

"But I've checked them all," Arthur bit his lip, "it looked like he had a fractured rib and a head injury,"

"How can you know if he did go to a hospital or not. Its not like anyone would remember seeing him,"

"He's not one you would forget quickly," Arthur frowned, "He was wearing a waterproof jacket, worn jeans, old battered trainers. He has black hair and, i think... green eyes - no - blue! Oh, and he's blind,"

Freya didn't speak for a full minute, her eyes glazing over and the frown denting her forehead deepened. "I've seen him," she spoke eventually. "Was he an angry fellow?"

"Yes!" Arthur grinned, "Where did you see him? In the hospital?"

"Outside," Freya grimaced, "I went out when I saw him standing in the rain. He wouldn't come into the hospital. He said that he would never come into one of these places ever again,"

"Oh no," Arthur looked even more worried, but he shook the thoughts away, "Mrs Hudson needs to be seen,"

Freya nodded.

After finally locating his file, Arthur set off towards Mrs Hudson's room and dispelled any more thoughts of the blind man.

* * *

**AN: so, there you are. I do apologise for any spelling mistakes. I've started to type up on my phone. ****Its a bit awkward.**

**We've met Lance! What do you think of him? :D and then Freya! I'll be introducing more characters ****as we progress.**

**Please review!**


	4. Panic Attack

"So, Mister," Lance mumbled through a mouth full of bread, "What are we gonna do today?"

Merlin frowned, listening to the boys frantic chomping. "Slow down or you'll choke," his voice came out rough, his breathing rattled in his chest. He had eaten little before giving his share of the food to Lance. His head pounding and pain all the way up from his chest to his temples. He ached so much.

"Okay," Lance said, mouth now empty. He took another bite, much slower and waited for Merlin to answer his question.

Merlin listened to him a bit more before sighing, "We'll have to find some more food. Then we need to -" He sneezed. He bit his lip to stop from screaming and clutched his chest.

"I think you need a Doctor, mister," Lance said cautiously.

"I wish you weren't but you're right," Merlin groaned. "But I won't. I can't. You know that,"

"Yeah, I know," Lance sighed. He finished the food quietly, letting Merlin recover.

Merlin breathed gently, resting his head on his palms with his elbows on his lap. The rough wood of the bench dug into his thighs as his weight shifted forward.

"Posh smugs," Lance muttered, seeing something Merlin didn't. "Jogging again,"

Merlin shook his head. Leave Lance long enough and he could have a conversation with himself.

"Come on," Merlin lifted his head, "We need to move," He stood up too fast and staggered.

"Mister!" Lance's shout of alarm reached Merlin faintly as his body seemed to disappear. Feeling leaking from his limps. He was aware of his body falling through his black surroundings before he felt no more.

* * *

Noise. So much noise. Voices. Shouts. Panicked screaming.

Was that Lance?

Merlin tried to move - to reach him. Calm him down. Everything will be alright. It will. Lance. Its fine.

He couldn't move. He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't even open his useless eyes. It was like he was floating in the noise.

Merging with it. Unable to understand a word of it.

What was happening?

He tried to move again, pulling at what he thought must be his arms. Nothing happened.

The voices were fading.

Gone.

* * *

"Dr Pendragon,"

"Yes, Freya?" Arthur turned to her and smiled. The smile faltered as he saw her face, "What is it? Gwen?" His heart beat faster as he took in her scared expression but relaxed slightly when she shook her head.

"I should have tried harder," she shocked, her mouth slightly ajar.

"Freya, what are you talking about?" Arthur frowned, stepping towards her.

"That man. The blind man that got beaten up - he's in the hospital," She bit her lip and took a deep breath, "He came into the A&E just now. He fainted in the park. Looks like two broken ribs and an infected eye. A serious bacterial infection and fluid in the lungs. The Doctor thinks there might be more as well,"

"Oh god," Arthur's eyes widened in shook. But he shook his head quickly, "Its not your fault, Freya. If any one us to blame, its me. I should have done something straight away,"

Freya just shook her and took another breath. Her features calming until she looked like the level headed nurse she was. She gave Arthur a nod before straightening her back and heading down the corridor to continue her work.

Arthur couldn't help admiring the woman for that. She had a strength many didn't. Thoughts turning back to the blind man, he turned away from the hospital entrance.  
He had been about to head home when Freya stopped him.

Now, he quickly marched to the lift and pressed the button to go up.

He couldn't leave before seeing how he was.

* * *

_Beep beep beep_

That slow repetitive noise sent shivers up his spine. Fear making the beeps faster.

He opened his eyes to nothing. Feeling his breathing get swallower and quicker. The beeps sped up again. His heart hammering against his ribcage.

His limps felt heavy. He tried to lift his arm. But it was a lead weight. He tried to turn his head but it wouldn't move. Everything was frozen. The beeping kept going. Faster. Faster.

_Beep beep beep beep_

Her couldn't breath. His chest heaved up and down, too fast for him to catch his breath.

Panic attack.

Those two words vaguely registered in his mind before he lost himself in his own mind. Terror and panic screaming through body and mind as the beeping continued.

"Its okay! You're in a hospital. You're fine," The soothing voice did the opposite to what it meant. Only confirming his fears and making his heart race faster.

He tried to shout but his voice wouldn't come. He tried waving in the direction of the beeping noise but his arms still refused to shift.

_Turn it off!_ his mind screamed.

"Listen to me, honey. You need to calm down. Just listen to my voice and try to take a deep breath," that irritating voice continued to coo at him. There was a slight pressure on his arm, where her hand was. She was trying to comfort him.

_Stupid woman! Turn it off!_

"What's happening in here?" a vaguely recognisable male voice sounded to the left. Merlin focused his attention on him, his breathing coming in short gasps. "Panic attack?"

Merlin stopped trying to listen as it became harder to breath. The beeping was so loud! It was like every tone was a hammer blow to the head.

"Merlin," his name grabbed his attention. It was the man talking. "If that's your name? What's the matter? Is it the hospital? Can you try to calm down, so we can talk? You just need to take a deep breath,"

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and forced his lips to make a word. A gasp rather than a word escaped his throat. He tried again and managed whisper hoarsely, "Off,"

The effort was too much. His face ached just trying to force that out. The quick painful breaths continued as the man spoke again, "What was that? Off? You want me to turn something... Ah!"

Suddenly the beeping stopped.

Merlin's mind relaxed then. The pounding of the hammer gone. The only drum beat was his heart against his chest and the roar of blood in his ears.

He concentrated on that and thought of every breath leaving his rigid body. Forcing his muscles to relax. Forcing himself to breath deeply.

What seemed like hours past before he took the breath he needed. His chest expanded widely before falling slowly. He did it again. Then again.

Every one of his muscles relaxing into the crisp sheets that covered the hard hospital mattress.

"There we go," the man was still there. "You'll be exhausted now, so get some sleep. Alright?"

Merlin would have argued. Told him to fuck off or something but he was exhausted. His entire body ached with the strain.

He shut his eyes and drifted into a broken and nightmare filled sleep. Past horrors clawing at his conscience. One terrifying thought surfaced his mind before he was lost.

Where was Lance?

* * *

Lance crouched down behind the hospital bins. Hugging himself tight and tucking in his head.

_Be as small as possible, Lancy. Stay in the shadows._

Mister Merlin had always been kind to him. Giving him food, finding them a place to sleep and protecting him. Lance didn't know what to do without Mister Merlin. If he had -

No! He wouldn't think like that. Mister Merlin will be fine. But he might be angry.

Lance's breath hitched in his throat, sudden fear crawling up his spine.

Memories of a fist connecting with his face. Pain all over his body. Wetness between his legs and the stink of urine.

Lance shook his head to clear the thoughts. That wasn't Mister Merlin. It wasn't!

That was the other man. Before he ran away. His mothers man.

Whimpering in fear, Lance tried to sink deeper into the shadows. He couldn't stay away from that fist without Mister Merlin. But he couldn't go in to the hospital because the smugs would get him.

The sharp sting of tears washed down his face as Lance pulled himself tighter into a ball.

* * *

**AN: Sorrryyy... meant to post this earlier! Been very extra busy with life in general. But you have it now so don't chop my head off! Hope you're liking this still! Please review! :)**


	5. Hospital

Merlin jolted awake. Nightmares shrinking back to hide in the shadows of his mind. For a moment he panicked when he saw nothing but bit his lip when he remembered.  
"You're blind, you fucker," Merlin growled to himself. His heart seemed to calm before he realised that he was on a bed. Then he noticed the sharp stink in the air. Hospital food and disinfectant. Noise of a street outside reached him faintly from the right, where he suspected a window was. Then there was the voices coming from the left. People in the corridor outside the door.

"Shit," Merlin sat up and fumbled about with his fingers. His right hand halted suddenly as something tugged at his forearm, a sharp pain made itself known at he tried to bend his elbow. His left hand slid up the skin of his right forearm until he touched the needle inserted in his arm, feeding him with an IV. He clenched his lips in a snarl before curling his fingers around the tape and yanking the needle out. He gasped as it stung but shook his head defiantly.

Come on, Merlin. Move. He put his arms out around him and located the edge of the bed. His stomach twisted when he realised that they had put up the metal guards. Didn't they realise that he had enough experience sleeping on park benches to not fall off these stupidly uncomfortable hospital beds. Biting back his rage, he went about finding the latch to collapse the guard. Eventually giving it up he threw back the sheets and leaned over the side.

But he froze when he felt something tugging at his lower regions. "Fuck it," He took hold of the tube coming out of him and pulled it out. He was careful to put it somewhere where it wouldn't leak before making sure that he wasn't plugged into anything else.

Turning his attention back to the metal guard he clambered over it and straightening to a standing position on the floor. Bare feet cold on the lamented flooring.  
He cursed under his breath and stood stranded next to his bed. His arm throbbed where he had taken out the needle and his legs shook slightly from just that little bit of exercise. His chest felt tight. He suspected that they had been feeding him pain killers so he didn't feel the pain in his cracked ribs. Gritting his teeth, he concluded that his clothes would still be in the room somewhere. He stepped away from the bed and staggered.

Throwing his arms out, he frantically tried to find the bed again. His hand wacked off the metal guard and his fingers grasped it. He held on to it desperately as his head felt heavy and his whole body swayed dangerously.

"God damn it, Merlin," he muttered to himself. "Pull yourself together," He dragged in a breath, frowning when his lungs rattled, then shifted his hands along the guard. Inching his way over to the end of the bed and around to the other side. Using his legs to reach out to try to locate anything his clothes would have been put on.  
He found the guest armchair next to the bed, but it was empty. The bedside table held nothing either. After about ten minutes of fumbling, he had found nothing remotely fabric.

He shrugged and headed towards the door anyway. He hands out in front of him, using the noise outside the door as a guide. He was nearly there when it swung open.  
A frightened yelp then a nervous laugh came from the untimely visitor. Merlin set his face in a menacing glare and stepped forward, intent on leaving the room.  
"Sir," the newcomer stopped him. "You can't leave,"

"Try and stop me," Merlin pushed forward, but hands grabbed his arm gently and attempted to push him back.

"Really, sir, you should get back into bed... how did you manage to get out anyway?" the voice was male. Probably a young man, nurse.

"What's it to you?" Merlin shoved his hands off and pushed past. Arms finding the edge of the doorway and passing through it. The noise of the hospital was louder here. Coughing, crying, doctors and nurses talking, the occasional shout.

Merlin swayed back on his heels and tried to gain his bearings before heading down the corridor, fingers tracing along the wall. He could hear the ding of an elevator in front of him and he headed towards it.

* * *

Freya was heading up to Merlin's ward to check on him. She had been up a couple of times since he had been checked in a couple of days ago. She was interested to learn more about him. Arthur had told her about the Military Cross he had found in the mans pack.

A Military Cross awarded to Merlin Emrys Jones. She had no doubt that this blind man was Merlin Jones. She just didn't know his story and that intrigued her.

She pressed the button for the elevator to go up and watched as the numbers changed from G to 2. Her thoughts returning to the blind man as she waited.

He had been sleeping when she had seen him last. With the dirt from the streets washed away and his features soft from sleep, he looked so young. He can't have been more than twenty-six.

The doors swung open and she stepped in. Pressing the button for floor number 4. The lift jolted then rose. The doors swung open with a ding and she stepped forward to get off but jumped in surprise when Merlin himself appeared in the doorway and stepped in.

"What floor am I on?" he demanded, his face set in a glare.

Freya had a second to wander how he knew she was there before seeing the exasperated nurse in the elevator doorway. She instantly caught on to what was happening and looking at Merlin's dress sense she needed to help get him back into his room.

"What floor is this?" Merlin almost shouted. If he were a dragon, he would be spitting sparks.

"I don't think that's an appropriate tone to use, Mr Jones," she put on her best nurse voice and rose her chin, before she realised that any physical body language would be pointless.

* * *

Merlin felt like he had been slapped. His jaw dropped a little when he heard that voice. It sounded familiar yet he didn't know why. Then her tone, nobody dared speak to him like that. Not since he left the forces.

He kind of liked it coming from her.

Realising where his thoughts were going, he tightened his jaw again and growled out, "I can speak however I like," he stopped himself short of insulting her.

"You should be getting back to your bed now, Mr Jones," She continued, unphaised.

Merlin paused again. He thought about pushing her out and pressing any button. However, his musings were halted when she continued.

"Where will you go with nothing but a hospital gown on?" Merlin opened his mouth to argue but she cut over him, "And you don't look steady on your feet. If you go now, you'll only be back here later in a much worse condition than you are now. Its best to just stop being a baby and suck it up! Then you'll be out of here in no time."  
Merlin jaw dropped all the way this time, which he quickly shut. Turning back to glares and plotting silently.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Mr Jones," she finished.

That was a threat, he concluded. But she was right. He wouldn't get anywhere near the hospital entrance before he fell. His legs were shaking just standing here.

"Its Merlin," he grumbled.

"Nice to meet you, Merlin. I'm Freya," the tone in her voice suggested that she was smiling. He found himself wishing he could see it. What she looked like, if she was small or big. Tall or short. The colour of her hair. Her eyes.

He dragged himself away from those thoughts and concentrated on his situation. Before he realised what he was doing, he stepped off the elevator and back into the corridor. He could hear the male nurse breathing by the door.

"Open your mouth and I will knock you out," Merlin growled at him. He was deadly serious. The nurse knew it. He coughed and seemed to have a silent conversation with Freya before his footsteps receded down the corridor.

"That was nice," Freya said, sarcasm thick.

"He's a stupid twat," Merlin grumbled.

"True," she agreed, taking Merlin by surprise. "He has a reputation for being an arse kisser,"

Merlin's lip twitched up but he refused to smile properly. He began to walk back up the corridor towards the room he had just left.

She walked silently beside him. Not offering any help, guessing that he would ask if he needed it. Just before he reached the door, she cut in front of him and went into the room. Good thing she did, he wouldn't have known where the room was if she hadn't. He heard the metal guards going down and her footsteps on the lamented flooring as she went over to open the window.

He shuffled his way to the bed and sat down. Listening to hear shuffling papers and pottering around the room then to the noises outside.

Suddenly he stood back up, guilt wrenching at his heart as he remembered about Lance.

"I need to go!" he barely noticed the panic in his voice as he tried to get back outside.

"No! Merlin!" Her hands were on his chest and she pushed him back. "I told you - you can't go!"

"You don't understand!" Merlin's heart was hammering against his chest. Fear for the boy eating at him. "I need to find someone. They need me,"

Freya didn't speak, her hands pressing against his chest harder as he attempted to get past her. Then - "Who? I'll find them for you,"

Merlin stopped trying to get past her. "He only trusts me,"

"Who is he?" Freya stopped pushing and let her hands drop.

Who was he? Merlin frowned. He couldn't tell her, could he? Should he lie?

"Shut the door and I'll tell you," Merlin sat back onto the bed as she shut the door. He sighed as she sat next to him. "You have to promise me that you'll find him and bring him here to me,"

"I promise," she said without hesitation.

"His names Lance," Merlin began. He bit his lip before lying, "He's my son. We live on the streets together,"

"What is he like?" Freya asked. Merlin was taken aback by the sudden concern in her voice.

"He's a quiet lad," Merlin frowned. "Eight years old..." He cursed silently when he realised he couldn't describe the boy. This was useless. No, he thought, you know everything about the boy. He'll be frightened. "Small," Merlin said with a bit more confidence. "Small for his age and thin," he concentrated on the memories of the boy. Whenever he brushed past him or the boy helped him up in the morning. "He... wears a raincoat, jeans," In his mind he hear the sound of trainers tapping against pavement and the swish of waterproof fabric rubbing together as the boy swung his arms. "Old worn trainers. About the height of..." Merlin remembered gripping hold of the boys shoulder when he heard a car coming around a corner, "My waist,"

Freya was silent for a minute. Merlin listened to the scratch of a pen against paper, a bubble of something warm was creeping up his being. What was that? He frowned. Was he happy? Grateful? When was the last time he felt grateful? Really grateful? To someone that wasn't Lance? Merlin snapped out of his musings as Freya finally asked, "Do you know where he might be?"

"How long have I been here?"

"Two days,"

Merlin froze, "What?"

"You've been here for two days," Freya stated matter of factly.

"You have to go find him - now!" panic was clawing at his stomach. "Check the park! The streets! Maybe even around the hospital itself! Just go find him!"

"Okay!" the bed creaked as she stood up. "I'm off work now anyway. I'll bring him straight here when I find him. Maybe I'll call someone to help,"

"No!" Merlin snarled. But he stopped himself quickly, reining in his anger to say quietly, "They don't help. They make it worse. Just leave this between us... Please,"

Freya didn't answer straight away. Sudden worry was gnawing at him with a little impatience. When she spoke again it was cautious, "Don't worry. I'll find him... and I wont call anyone,"

Merlin listened as her footsteps headed towards the door. The door opened then shut. The click jolting him. "Thank you," he said but too late, she was gone.

* * *

**AN: *gasp!* What is this?! An update? But it hasn't been a month! :D**

**Thanks for reading and please review! :)**


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